Ben is confused with himself !!!

recently, I got myself very emo easily ...
I just don't understand myself...
How could I get mad or not satisfied towards something so easily?

Last week, b4 I got back my econs results, I was kinda confident that I could score at least more than 40/50...But somehow, something just went wrong with some part of my answer and I only got 36/40...Although it was not that bad but still there is a difference

The problems does not just stop there...I was jealous of FEW of my friends where their results are better than mine or almost same grade as mine...
Some of you might think I some sort of stupid person to think such way but the reason I got angry is because I put much more effort than them which kinda make very frustrated to get poorer results than them...

I was angry at myself how on earth I could get such results...after that when my lecturer wanna have a look at everyone paper and see whether is there any possibilities to add mark, I was like "i don't want to add any marks"....I'm to furious at the moment!!

I already tried my best not to think such way but somehow I just couldn't get over with it...
But as time flies throughout the week, I adapted to the reality of it...

I always asked myself ," Is it that important to compare yourself with others? "
I think is not important to compare because GOD creates everyone with different ability where they are good at...
My mum always taught me not to compare because what I have, others might not have it
Same goes to others who have something that I might not have it...

So, just stick with who you are and live the best out of yourself....(*y do I sounds like I'm the one who giving advices ? ) =.=

Besides, there is also another personal problem which I've been encountered for quite some time...
Whenever I saw a guy friend of mine have a huge gang of guys friends, I would felt very dissapointed and sad about myself....
To be honest, I don't a gang of guys friends to hangout with....
I always wanted to have a gang of guys friends to hangout like go for lunch lar, movie lar or just hang around like that...
I think it would be fun to have a gang like that...I'm envious of others friends of mine...

I myself will always revolving around with MANY female friends than guys
Not to say is a problem to have more female friends, only that I think it would be better to balance out between both...
Even my parents also complain to me and said "Why all your friends girls? No other friends besides girls meh?"
I really dunno how to answer their question although it was just a simple question...

I really appreciate all my female friends...
But would I turn to be an imbalance human being??
For example, I would tend to have more conversation between girls than boys and sometime will be a lil bit 'GIRLISH' behavior which I don't realize?
I also don't know why, am I born to have more of the feminine side??
Many questions arisen that kinda bothered me lately...

So whenever I saw those boyband like arashi, super junior,news, v6, tvxq, I wanted to be like them to have a bunch of brother like relationship with others...
Take arashi and super junior as an examples...

Arashi were together for 10 years and their bond between each others are stronger than ever..
As for Super Junior with 13 members of them, definitely conflicts will exist, but they are still very close...
I mean they are really like brothers to each others although they are not blood related...
I really respect and adore them to have such good relationship among each other...
This is one of the reasons why I like boyband so much!! =.=
Not to say I'm gay or anything because they are good to each others and take good care of others which inspired me alot and makes me look up to them as an idol!!!

Ben ar ben...u really need to change yourself a bit lor...
I also dunno what to do....maybe some advice will do good for me!!!